When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??