Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize