i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough