Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER