We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.