The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works