I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.