K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.