This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
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When did angry sex become our thing?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"