My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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