he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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