OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
