you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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