I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
