I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize