can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
