Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
