porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
