walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
MIDGETS
????
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
