Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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