i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
