If that was your dad, he is hot
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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