just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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