The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b