When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/