dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place