Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"