There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?