According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life