and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
