my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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