Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
