Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
