so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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