Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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