that's an acceptable place to lick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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