my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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