omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.