You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them