I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.