At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
