I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
