i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
