he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run