he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?