i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.