I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.