i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.