You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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