I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
