I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
