How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
operation have a gay friend backfired
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
