$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
