I would do horrible things to your vagina.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for