so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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