Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
