its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
