as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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