YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize