YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
