We named our party play list daddy issues
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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