drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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