Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
