Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
