So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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