everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
