Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
