So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
