I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My vagina is very pro this idea
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
