I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me