So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
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You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops