Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started