Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward