some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick