the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
