we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would fuck him just for his dog
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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